Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
two words...techno handjob
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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