i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
