Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
