the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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