You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
