That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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