If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
