She is in my trunk
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
