I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
