I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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