I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
