My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
