i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
