Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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