your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
