thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
