Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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