just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
