cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
