3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
