and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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