dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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