i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
