I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
