I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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