it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
