So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
