I cockslap morals
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
