i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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