he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
