I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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