his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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