i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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