I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Randomize
