You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
