i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
