I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
