:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think my mom watched the whole time
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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