Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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