So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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