Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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