i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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