DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
