I molested 6 butterflies tonight
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
