I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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