So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
