YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
