She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
