i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
