He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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